More About The People Pleaser
Going after our wildest dreams can be both exhilarating and scary. In order to protect us from the scary part, The People Pleaser shows up. It encourages us to focus on others and direct our energy outward. Because if we’re too busy worrying about what other people think, we can avoid focusing inwardly on what we really want.
While The People Pleaser is super efficient at keeping us safe, it also has us focused on the wrong thing – others, instead of ourselves – which doesn't allow us to bring our inner vision to life. This can result in weeks, months or even years stuck in indecision, inaction, or moving in a direction that’s not really where you want to be going.
Keep reading to learn what to do about it.
YOUR INNER WORK WITH THE People pleaser
The People Pleaser is ultimately trying to keep you safe from rejection because it believes you need others’ approval in order to bring your inner vision to life. But here’s the hard truth: In prioritizing approval from others, you’re actually abandoning yourself. You may even feel guilty about going after what you truly want, instead of what others expect from you. In this case, your inner work becomes about 4 components — awareness, compassion, accountability, and celebration.
Your inner work
1 — AWARENESS
If you want to bring your inner vision to life without the guilt, the first step is building awareness. What role is the guilt playing? What is The People Pleaser trying to protect you from? What’s not possible when The People Pleaser is present? What do you think you should do or be in order to make others happy? What do you actually want to do or be? Use these questions as journal prompts. The point here is to create awareness and clarity, because clarity creates space for choice.
2 — COMPASSION
The People Pleaser tends to be highly compassionate and understanding of others and their circumstances. Your inner work here is practicing giving yourself the same grace and compassion you freely give to others. How would you lovingly speak to a best friend if The People Pleaser was present for them?
3— ACCOUNTABILITY
After the compassion comes the action. The People Pleaser has likely encouraged you to take action that centers others’ joy or approval. This is because it believes that there’s a limited amount of joy to go around. The inner work here is about building evidence for the truth: You being in your joy doesn’t take away from someone else’s. In fact, your joy amplifies the joy and possibility available for those you love. This week, do 1 small thing every day that’s just for you. It might feel a little mischievous doing so. For accountability, make sure to share this challenge with a friend, coach, or someone else you trust.
4 — CELEBRATION
Celebration is an essential piece to building new belief. The new belief you’re building is that you can choose you, and it doesn’t take anything away from others. So every time you do 1 small thing that’s just for you, celebrate it. Notice how when you choose you, you are still inherently valued, worthy and loved. And that’s worth celebrating. ✨
Ready To Do Your Inner Work?
If you’re ready to take this information and put it to work, this clarity call is for you. Receive 1-1 mindset coaching, personalized insights, and tangible next steps to help you move beyond the limitations of The People Pleaser and step into possibility.